A Spouse-Centered Marriage March 8, 2010

 

 

As I prepare to walk down the aisle in 10 short months, I have already been offered a great amount of advice for my upcoming marriage.  I think the best advice i received was from my family ministry professor, Dr. Randy Stinson. He spends a lot of our classes focusing on “spouse- centered” Marriages.  He shared many delightful tales of his six children and they way they enriched his marriage, but ALWAYS stressed that his marriage was centered on God and on his wife.

He talked about deliberately setting aside time to remind his wife that she was the one that God designed for him and they showed that to their children by showing them that the marriage was the most important relationship in the house, even more important than parent/child relationships. Now as a person who has always had a great desire to be a mom, at first it was hard to understand.  As he continued to make his point through the 15 weeks we were in class, I started to understand and catch on to what he was saying.

He talked about when his children acted disrespectfully or did not mind his wife, he would say to them, “Do not treat my wife this way.” Likewise she would help the children to respect their faith by reminding them to “Respect my husband” At first I thought maybe this was a cold way to respond to children, but as you examine it, you see that this is the way the family is supposed to be set up.  The children really responded to this way of communicating, they understand that the marriage between their mother and father is strong, and it helped them have a sense of stability.

Children are not supposed to be the center of the marriage. While they are a great joy, and they are a wonderful blessing from the Lord, they should never replace your spouse.

There are several great ways to help keep your marriage centered on your spouse and have them not feel like the kids have taken their place. Don’t forget to continue dating even after you are married!

I found a website marrigepartnership.com  and it has suggestions on how to keep your marriage centered on each other.

They offer several suggestions including

1. Setting aside “parent-time” each day

2. “Your children have their own beds… use them

3. Putting the kids to bed early

To check out the full list follow the link.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2002/winter/3.42.html?start=3

Focus on Marriage Simulcast Feb 27, 2010 February 22, 2010

For more information on the simulcast go to www.focusonmarriage.com to find out locations that are hosting the simulcast. One in our area is Florence Baptist church at  Mt. Zion.

Parenting in HD September 21, 2009

As I was reading the relavant children’s ministry blog I subscribed to,  I came across this link to a service on Parenting in High Definition. The service is from Christ Fellowship Church in Palm Beach, Florida. Here Dale Hudson serves as the Director of Children’s ministry and is a good friend of our Elevate coordinator, Jan Martin.

The talk shares way to have clarity and effectiveness as a parent and in the spiritual formation of your children. A lot of great  information Check it out!!

 

http://vidego.multicastmedia.com/player.php?v=u99c4dps

Plan a Date Night! March 26, 2009

I recently saw the movie Fireproof and was provoked to think about how marriage is valued. I reflected on the devastation that divorce brought to my family. I have witnessed first hand marriages robbed of value because spouses were not spending the time that was needed to build their relationships. Marriage needs to be protected and nurtured even when schedules don’t seem to allow it.

As I begin to consider marriage in my own life, it’s easy to see why this culture seems to shout… “Why bother!??”

Families are so over planned and stressed out they forget to take care of the most special and intimate relationship that two people can share. God provided you with your mate, and sometimes the time that should be spent on building a marriage gets lost in the shuffle of busy days.

Couples have to be deliberate about their time, make plans to date. The acronym that Randy Pope shares in his book “Find your Million Dollar Mate” says a date is a Divine Appointment To Edify. You should spend time edifying your mate, encouraging, building them up, and improving your relationship. Dating should not stop with marriage; date your spouse on a regular basis.

Planning dates and having fun is serious business for married couples because it helps instill value for your partner. Individuals value their time, in fact they usually wish they had more of it. When you set aside time just for your spouse, it’s easy to see why value increases. Take a break from the noise of your daily life and listen to what your spouse has to say. Show you value them by giving them your undivided attention.

The Weekend to Remember is a conference that demonstrates God’s design for marriage and families and gives you the tools to work with your spouse. It’s a refreshing weekend for good marriages and a time for healing for troubled marriages. Some of the conference locations for this year include Louisville, Columbus, and Indianapolis. Schedule a weekend to remember for you and your spouse.

Follow the link for details:
http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/k.F5BB/Attend_a_conference.htm

If you are not able to get to a conference or you want more date night details follow the link below.
http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/couples.php

The 5 Love Languages April 2, 2008

What love language do you speak to your husband, wife, or children?  Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor, author, and national speaker, invented the Five Love Languages concept.  He states that most people give and receive love in one of five ways.

1.  Quality Time
2.  Words of Affirmation
3.  Physical Touch
4.  Acts of Service
5.  Giving Gifts

Most couples do not speak the same love language.  In my house, I am a gift giver who loves to buy things for my wife and children.  My wife, on the other hand, speaks the love language of physical touch.  She would much rather get a hug or a back rub than a new outfit.

When couples speak two different love languages, they can become frustrated or feel unloved by their mate.  It is like one spouse is speaking Spanish and the other German.  The communication of love needs HELP and an interpreter!

But don’t fear, you just have to find out what your spouse’s language is and then learn to speak it.  If they speak acts of service, then you must show them acts of service.  If they speak words of affirmation, they need you to speak words of affirmation to them.  If my wife wants to show me love, she buys me something or sends me a card.

If you want to know your love language, you can take a quick 30 second evaluation at: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html#love

We also have some of the DVD curriculum and books available here in the church office.  If your marriage and family would benefit in the area of communicating love, come get these resources.